An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1 The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2 The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3 I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5 The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'

he 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!

Not a lot of people understood that. I think it's a top ranking joke. Maybe they got na pop no style.

My wife took up jogging after Christmas as a way of losing the extra weight she gained over the holiday season. She does about 5 miles a day.

She should be somewhere near Edinburgh by now.

8fKsDZS.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Was this engineer drowning? or on a boat.
His position seems to be halfway between Newfoundland and the coast of Quebec, Canada.
I know. Theres always one. Just saying.

SENIORS COFFEE GROUP A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailment at Wetherspoon's. "My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift
this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; can't even see my coffee." "I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time
because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third. "What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you, said one elderly lady! "I can't turn my head because of the
arthritis in my neck," said one, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. "My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another. "I forget where I
am and where I'm going," said another. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement


"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully.... Thank God we can all still drive

And for those who are thinking of going to see the current hit film doing the rounds of the Cinemas - '50 Shades of Grey' - well don't bother, it's nothing like what it's cracked up to be. 50 Shades of Grey.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Quote: Randa france wrote in post #37

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Zitat

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'50 Shades of Grey'

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Gosh. Agger's lost some weight

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It's not the size of the wand but the magic it contains! sorry left my gaffa tape in the car (50 shades for those who know it) never read it or seen it

We need a "doesn't like this post" button. That photo made me feel very queasy.

Brendas Hen


Brenda was in the fertilized egg business.

She had several hundred young 'pullets' to produce the eggs and ten roosters to fertilize them.

She kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Brenda's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters
coming, would run for cover.

To Brenda's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Brenda was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in the Town & Country Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.



who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the

unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

Is a Happy Medium a Spiritualist who has just seen a ghost?