My other half is in the garden, tidying up before the long awaited hip replacement on May 7th.
I was going to plant some anemones in one corner of the garden but she has stolen the spot for a fernery.
She says 'with Fronds like these, who needs anemones'

There are caring people in every walk of life!

A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 foot motor-home, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment."Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet.
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"

Or checking the bulletin boards.

Subject : Theatre



An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats at a concert.



When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Fred," the old man moaned.

"Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer.

With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied;

"The balcony........"

Hello all



A friend of mine has managed to get some tickets for the Euro final in France.

Unfortunately, he has realised that he is getting Married on the same day so he can't go....

He has asked that if anyone wants to go in his place ………









……it’s at St Andrews Church in Brighton and her name is Sarah

Spotted on my last trip, outside a shop in Cromer

Ideal for those with a full awning.

P1030197.JPG - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer t*ts, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "P*ss off, ya fookin' little w*nkers, before I come over there and rip yer b*lls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?

This is hilarious, might take some time.

The "Wal-Martians " are on the loose !!!!



I wonder who they will vote for, in order to

'Make America Great Again'





This Year's Spring Collection

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The biggest problem is, they

Vote!

Lord help us if they breed

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of
us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water."

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of
us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring
to?"

"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said,

"Wedding cake."

Well, We all know now who they voted for , but I believe it was forecast many years ago.
As you know, the emblem of the republican party is an Elephant.
'Nellie the elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus
of she went with a trumpety trump, Trump, Trump Trump.

WARNING: The Automobile Association have warned that anyone travelling in these current icy conditions should take along a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing including scarf hat and gloves, a 24 hour supply of food and water, de-icer, torch and battery jump leads. It seems that the majority of people have decided to ignore this advice as I was the only one on the bus yesterday carrying it all although I do admit to feeling a right prat.