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For dog owners everywhere.

Being a golfer - sorry someone who smacks a little white ball around a field! You have got to have a sense of humour so .......( again if this offends please remove)

The lady captain came running off the course just after starting her medal round being stung by a bee. She was afraid of having anaphylactic shock so jumped in her car and dashed to her doctor.
“Help,” she cried, “I’ve been stung by a bee!”
“Where?” asks the doc.
“Between the first and second hole.”
“bloody ell you must have a wide stance!”

Sorry but there’s so many where this came from and I’m sure they will be offensive so no more golf jokes .......but they are funny

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Knock Knock

Who's there

Wendy

Wendy who

Wendy Red Red Robin comes bob bob bobbin along

Doctor Watson returns home to 221B Baker Street from a busy day at the hospital and finds that his housemate Sherlock Holmes has painted the front door in a really bright Yellow colour. He storms in and pointing at the door says to Sherlock "What on earth do you call that?"

To which Sherlock replies " It's a lemon entry my dear Watson"

Knock Knock

Who's there

Gunga Din

Gunga Din who

I Gunga Din the door's locked !!!

I have been putting on a bit of weight since the lockdown so I went to see my Dr for some advice.

He said: "Dont eat anything fatty."

I said: "Like burgers and bacon?"

He said: "No, fatty. Dont eat anything."

My cat just asked me if I want the radio leaving on while he goes out.

JohnE! You just reminded me with that excellent post.
I came home late to find the door locked. I peered into the letter box and shouted, “Let me in!”
I saw the cat in the hall who said, “Me-Ow”

Ooooo! Sorry that’s awful!

Sitting out in the sunshine I heard a noise behind me. It went Be you Zed Zed . I realised it was a spelling bee.

The covid 19 situation has been especially stressful for the flat earth society.

They fear that the social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

Quote: Skoderiba wrote in post #416

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Sitting out in the sunshine I heard a noise behind me. It went Be you Zed Zed . I realised it was a spelling bee.

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The job of a parent is to bring it's child up correctly
The job of a Grandparent is to undo all their hard work

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip
In the middle of the night Holmes nudged his faithfull friend
Watson look up at the sky and tell ne what you see
Watson replied I see million of stars
What does that tell you Watson
Well astronomically it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets, horologically I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three meteorologically II suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why? What does it tell you
Holmes was silent for a moment deep in thought, then he spoke
Watson, I detect that someone has stolen our tent

What are the similarities between kids and tatoos ?

They're both permanent ?

Both can both be removed with lasers ?