Today I received an email saying "Knock Knock"

It was a Jehovah's witness working from home

Just been out for a morning walk ad I passed a farmer tying a big bell round the neck of a cow. " Why do you put bells on cows"? I said.
He looked at me like a stupid townie and spoke very slowly and carefully . "Because the horns don't work ", he said.

Dave

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt – prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will be murdered this year.”
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the mystic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked: “Will I be acquitted?
Dave

Careful Roger, I know where you live I know where you keep your Eriba I know where Amanda keeps her wool

Anonymous

Foil Arms and Hog, Give us the vax. OH YES!!!
https://youtu.be/iiEP6UZ8X_4

Brilliant
Dave

At the end of the lockdown, if you could choose between a romantic trip away with the Mrs, or an evening of beers with the lads followed by a curry, what would you go for?
A. Jalfrezi
B. Rogan Josh
c. Vindaloo
D. Tikka Masala

It's an incentive for you to find me a van

And now they're expecting us to cut down on our drinking.

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Not sure which direction you are heading this evening Colin but just heard that an Ann Summers lorry has overturned on the A303 and there's a seven mile tail back due to rubber knickers!!

Shortest joke competition ...

"Deodorant please"
"Certainly sir. The ball type?"
"No. Just for the underarms"

I'm here all week!

Shortest joke competition ...

"Deodorant please"
"Certainly sir. The ball type?"
"No. Just for the underarms"

I'm here all week!